Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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