dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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