if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
