just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
