If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
