So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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