What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
