So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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