filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
