Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
