I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
