...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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