the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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