i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
