beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
