Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
