I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
