Pants 0. Shit 1.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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