Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
