ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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