we have officially lost it.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Vodka?
Forever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
