Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
