"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
