he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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