He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
