Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
