so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
