My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
