Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I love you. Go after that dick
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
