; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
