bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
