Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
