if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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