John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
