just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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