I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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