Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
