I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
