I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
