stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
