20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
