my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
