dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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