I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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