You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
