I want to walk on stilts...naked
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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