Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
