Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
