haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
