..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
